When in Guam...

Do surveys!!! hahaha... anyway... pics coming up...

Please do NOT text me.... your texts cost 10 pesos ata... O_o unless you're in unli mode... idk what happens if you are... anyway... text me all you like Im not going to waste my ten bucks on you :))

From Corr

From Trish. :)

The rule is to copy and paste this entire thingamabob onto your notes, remove my answers and fill in your own. The catch is, your answers all have to start with the first letter of your name. Then tag 10 people.

Rules: It's harder than it looks! It really is, especially the Reason for Being Late.

Copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag at least 10 people including me.

Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following.

They have to be real... nothing made up!

If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.

1. What is your name:

Catherine Denise Ledda Rollan

2. A four Letter Word:

Crap (hahaha!)

3. A boy's Name:

Chris :)

4. A girl's Name:

Clar :)

5. An occupation:

Construction Worker

6. A thing you own:

Cellphone (it's so hard coming up with random answers!!!!!)

7. Something you wear:

Colored Shirts O_o

8. A food:

Clam Chowder... hahaha

9. Something found in the bathroom:

Ceiling????? PTL!!!!

10. A place:

Chad. the country Chad. :)) I find this funny!!!! :))

11. A reason for being late:

Choking to death :))

12. Something you shout:

Colaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!! (As if... hahaha)

13. A movie title:

Crying Ladies!!!! =)) ROTFLMAO!!!!! (the flip film)

14. Something you drink:

Coke

15. A musical group:

Cure (the)... Coldplay!

16. An animal:

Chimp.

17. A street name:

Castro street in Cuba??? :)) I dont know!!!

18. A type of car:

A Chevy

19. A song title:

Can You Feel the Love Tonight (It was playing when the plane took off haha)

20. A verb:

Clobber! :))

I saw Eka in the airport... O_o wala lang random

Im gonna be 17 soon!

One year nalang and I can get arrested for shiz na! hahaha

I still love IX!!!! Thanks for the love you give until now! (Thanks to some of your parents even! Hahaha) Thanks for all the comments in the previous blogpost! Anyway...

I don't wanna have a birthday :( I don't wanna get older. It's not like... one year left til I can vote or stuff... It's more like one year off of my life. O_o... I just think it's too soon, life that is. I think there's too little time to you know... learn about stuff, fall in love, get divorced (hahaha... just kidding) and form a six-man olympic cycling team... *Sigh...

Anyway... I'm loving life... Forgot the past already... The four nightmare (minus the summers) years are beginning to wear away...

I wonder where I'm gonna be five years from now... where everyone's gonna be. Am I gonna be an engineer? Will I be in Singapore for university? Will I be in New Zealand fulfilling my lifelong dream of milking sheep? I don't know.

17 is a huge number. I'm probably gonna die in 60 years.. (I hope not!... :( 67 is kind of young pa... but I don't want to live on crutches... but looking at my knee now, I'm probably gonna have to start soon) I wasted 17 years of my life not doing something great. When I leave this earth, I want to leave something great behind. I want to write a book, cure AIDS, have a record deal and maybe own some llamas here and there. I want to change lives or at least touch them.

Grabe. I'm so delusional... Hahaha...

Living in an un-utopian society....... sucks

Thanks to Binkee, Erica, Karol, Lui, Ena, Elva, Panjee, Gil, Chrym, Lugaw, Bana, Wilda, Ayena, Di, Claudz, Karen, Abby, Alex, Mars, Katgar, Renee...

And to all the people who said those comforting words to me today.

Nothing's gonna change but it's very reassuring to hear what you've been telling me and the events following what happened. I am so thankful to everyone for believing in me, for actually making me feel what you guys think should be. Thank you to this batch. No matter how scarred and bruised my heart (and my knee) is coz of years of hardwork, loyalty and service, my hands and my feet will always be willing to give you guys the help you need. And even though I keep on saying this batch makes me feel the heat of hell on earth, I would never trade anyone else for you guys!

I always thought that I needed people to thank me for what I've done, but now I realized that I don't actually need to hear those words. What you guys did or said today made my whole high school life complete.

Thank you for listening, respecting and going through the motions with me. I will never forget you all. The outpour of concern and warmth you guys showed me is just overwhelming. I've spent too much blood, sweat and tears since freshman year and it's nice to see people actually acknowledge what I've been doing. I love you all! (Okay, maybe not all... Haha... kidding... ILY IX!) What's done is done.

As for my emotional state... avril just summed it all up for me

I wanna believe you when you tell me that it'll be okay. I try to believe you, but I don't. When you say that it's gonna be, it always turns out to be a different way. I try to believe you, but not today. I don't know how I feel. Tomorrow is a different day. Give me a little time. Leave me alone a little while. I gotta do what I have to do...

Anyway. Thank you IX. Love you guys!

In five years, whatever happened in high school is not gonna count.

*And in five years I'm gonna be an engineer! Hahaha... Guess what my school is!

**Wow. That was very anticlimactic.

Calmed Down

Okay. That was kinda harsh. Sorry.

But now prove them wrong.

Re-post!

People come to me. Everyday. With new information. I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. I see everything. Seriously. I see the efforts being made. But I also see other things happening. That entry was sincere. It was what I felt and I needed to express it. This is after all a free country. I didn't implicate anyone. There was no insinuation made. I also hope people would understand where I'm coming from.

I am also free to be talked to. Not harassed. Not pushed into a corner. TALKED TO.

No inquisitions. Just talk.

I didn't know that the blog would spread like wildfire. I didn't know that someone would be badmouthing me as well. (not in a blog post though, to make things clear)

People should know that that blog wasn't meant to destroy character. If it was, a name/s would be all over it.

Be open-minded and see that all this didn't come from a bad place. It had to root from somewhere.

People post these things because people care. People don't just post these things to destroy someone else.

I don't REALLY wish anyone leprosy... (hahaha... seriously?!) But when something against your principles are brought up, of course you're gonna react. Vehemently. (And people know how I react to things... just look at my previous blog posts for crying out loud)

I REALLY want to make the last 37 days meaningful and okay.

I'm not saying that it'll be okay after this. I'm not asking for retribution or anything. I'm just trying to make people understand why I posted the previous blog. (And why I'm reposting. Ughhh... Dude... Seriously... time's ticking away...)

I'm not making war with anyone.

It was just an expression of thoughts.

You want to talk about it? Sure. Library. Dismissal. We'll talk. LIKE HUMANS (peacefully and civilly)

P.S. And please don't insult me through different forms of media or applications... I have eyes. I can see them too.

A blog post dedicated to retards

Okay.

Dear RETARDS,

I hope you can still read this. You know, given the fact that you have such few brain cells (or none at all... i don't even think you know what brain cells are) Anyway. I'm gonna try and make this sound as simple as I can. For all other people out there, non-retards, you'll get your own blog post so please bear with me :).

Okay... (Phew... speaking Idiot is soooo hard!... Binkee... if you're reading this, I should have made this a long time ago...) Anyway... creatures of the lowest rung of dignity-ville... Even lower than scum beneath the scum... wait... was that comparison too smart for you??? But you know what... what the heck... I'll just use REAL words... I ain't dumbing myself down for you.

You people think that you're gonna get away with all those dumb antics you guys are trying to pull off.... well no. You aren't. One day... You're gonna pay (I don't know if in what form... maybe poverty... or umm... some south american sickness... what the heck... maybe God will have mercy on you and just give you leprosy.). You're gonna pay for making us look stupid. You're gonna pay for taking us for granted. You're gonna pay for your hypocrisy... (yeah! I said hypocrisy... now go get a dictionary and see what it means!) You're gonna pay for all those other people you destroyed, for the times you did stuff you weren't supposed to do... Oh but the best thing is... this ain't just some one time capital punishment sort of thing. (google: capital punishment so you can understand) It's gonna hunt you forever.

I said I ain't mad at you. Well I wasn't. But then you had to make us look like idiots and go on with your havoc-wreaking gut-squirming former ways. Then I got mad. I got mad first at myself for actually believing that what I did or said or you know... all those times I encouraged you and praised your effort (if those were actually true and genuine acts of wanting to save your friggin lives and consciences)... all those were thrown away. I actually thought that you were sincere. But whoop-dee-doo.... It all just went flying back to my face.

Then I said... No. It's not my fault. It's your fault. For not fixing your own goddamn lives. I'm not mad coz you're doing awful things! That's just self-righteous and self-gratifying for my own sake... I'm mad coz people actually tried to help you and you effed them up.

God.

Low lives.

Anyway... So I've been trying to calm down and try and look at your despicable face but... Let's seeeeee... I don't think that's happening anytime soon. But at least I'm trying.

I mean... I'm not really affected in any way. (Oh yeah... you destroyed reputations of not just one person... no... you had to ruin the face of every person in an undisclosed organization of people.. but that's beside the point... or is it?!?!?!) So I'm trying to let go of it.

I don't care what others think of me. I really don't. As long as I know I'm doing the right thing. The right thing may not be fun for now but it'll be rewarding in the end. (mark my words) I may not be "cool" but what the heck... At least I won't die early coz of what I'm doing to my body or to my conscience or to every other possible crap imaginable. *Sigh... If only I had the non-chalant ways of Binkee... (non-chalant... google it... oh wait... do you even know what google is? That's just sooo sad).

Anyway. there. Your life sucks. But you have to deal with it.

That's a bummer.

Everyone talks about it. And I bet you're saying "It's better to be talked about than not to". Oh what a selfish narcissistic remark (oh i'm sorry... that was another big word wasn't it?).

And you call yourself Catholic! Or Christian! Or whatever it is.

And Patrice is a whole lot better than you! (That's a compliment Patrice... I'm not implying anything... Luv yah! hahaha)

Shame on you.

God. I shouldn't have written this post. I wasted time.

Time I use for STUDYING.

I think you should try that sometimes. Get out of the rock you call home and study.

It'll do you some good.

Weren't you studying before? I mean... way way before?

I don't know... maybe you just forgot.

SO ANYWAY!

See ya! Would NEVER wanna be ya!

(And if you post hate comments or a counter post... It just goes to show how immature you are and you really are conceding to the fact that you are retards.... You know... Whoever it is you are that posted hate comments or counter posts...)

(And okay... maybe I am a little shallow right now posting about stupid stuff like this. But you know... sometimes you just gotta stoop down to that level to make people understand.)

(Oh and... I seriously am trying to talk to you... It's just that... You're probably most if not everything against or opposite of what I stand for...)

(One day... we're all gonna forget about this... You know... when you grow up.... I'll be waiting!)

(Oh God. I'm probably gonna post a pity re-post just to release the guilt and the tension)

When grapes turn into raisins

Due to the effing stress i've received this past week, I've been converted from a normal human being into someone who got stuck in an elevator for 5 days, been kicked by 11 elephants while being juggled by a really cute baby seal.

Let's seeeee....

We just had fair... That was 2 days of non-stop work. Was on ticket ripping duty during the night activities and was limping around the campus. (Have I told you I've been injured since God knows when? And my leg was once twice the size of Texas?) So there. I hated the grade school people just coz... Them and all there debauchery and indecency.... (being a kid who got stuck in an exclusive school... connect the dots...)

"To 008... Magic Words!... Love: Alam mo na"

What in tarnation is that?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Freaks.

Plus! The dance party was sooooo.... ughhh... how do I say this.... God... if the Pope went to our school's gym, he would've excommunicated all them boys and girls.... and all them girls and girls... You get the picture...

There.

Then! Monday came. DLSU Star Scholar Orientation. Might I say... it was much more fun than the DL dinner. There were aj people there and we kept saying... Nobody say the bad word! (Ateneo)... I was like: What if they ask how we met?.... Answer: We met at dance class... not satisfied? Answer no. 2: We had this soiree for 5 weeks... us and a bunch of other schools... hahaha... I'm beginning to like DLSU... Seriously.

I mean... it doesn't really matter where you go... If you're not going to motivate and inspire yourself to pursue change or higher purpose, you ain't goin nowhere homie...

Hahaha... change of tone...

So There.

Okay. PHA nationals are coming up. I've forgotten my speech.

I feel so responsible! I've done all the things I needed to do ('cept 1)

So anyway.

Oh yeah... There was drama yesterday (Saturday). Not going to go there anymore. Friggin bad place.

Even Friday. Actually it all began on Friday. Okay. Stopping here.

I don't wanna rot in hell. O_o

Umm. I guess that's it.

OH WAIT!!!! I went to parties nga pala... hahaha

The first one was my dad's... It was his birthday and what better way to spend it than in a concert! A Fall Out Boy concert! HAHAHA... My dad ladies and gentlemen. I don't like em anymore but my dad scored good seats and I just had to go :))

Then I went to RD's party.... Someone's not a minor anymore! Hahaha... You can go to jail na... haha.... kidding! Loved it! Met new friends... Saw an old one... (Timmy! Remember to go!) And danced the 2 hours away... Hahaha.... Some people were drunk.... Others were "tipsy"... And others were just happy... haha... labo.... Anyway... Loved seeing aj people again! Let's do this some other time!!!

Then I went to Sasha's party!!!! Love you girl! Hahaha... Sorry if I just dropped by for an hour!!! I promise I'll make it up to you! We made smores O_o... hahaha... I was in a dress... They were all in pajamas... Hot cocoa!!!! Rina dear.... give me back my photo... Hahaha... kidding...

So there.

Congrats to Jonah!!!! Who made it into AJ 42!!!!!

Then did the pe project, the parish involvement shennanigans, my homeworks and quizzes and collated the SARP thing...

I was done. And I saw it was good. (Holler if you get this line)

And as a result of all the stress

My knee swelled again. My face broke out. (f*** man!) And I've got colds now.

But so far... I don't look like Frankenstein yet... SOOOO it's all good.

As Jed said......There you go!

CIAO!

Okay, Maybe I Got A Little Too Carried Away

Okay... so maybe the crap i wrote before this crap im writing is a little bit harsh. And diabolical even for me. It's just so hard to be in this position and try to act rationally and all that. People tend to NOT cut me slack. I've got a lot of things to do and i don't think people understand that at all. I don't think people understand the gravity of anything at all.

65 days. 65 days and it's all over. My sleepless nights (my NECESSARY and totally RELEVANT sleepless nights) Those hours i spent on the phone canvassing. The gas I wasted looking at places. The trees i killed printing proposals for yearbook publishers. The break times i didn't get to eat. The fact that my knee is killing me coz i'm doing stuff i don't even wanna do- the fact that i'm doing them just to fulfill a duty i made months ago.

Maybe i did kinda bring this upon myself. I could've had a normal life. I could've not aimed for excellence. I could've been a teensy bit more selfish and not "serve" and crap. But that wouldn't be me.

Thanks to you I'm this person. I'm better. I'm stronger. I've grown. Coz of all the discriminating, judging, criticizing and whatever mean and hurtful stuff you threw at me, i know in the future, im gonna be okay.

I'm 16. I shouldn't experience stress at this level. I shouldn't be setting up meetings and what not. I shouldn't be working as if i was on overtime all day. I shouldn't have bags under my eyes. I shouldn't have knee injuries worsen coz of fatigue. I should have a lot more. While you were wasting away your high school days, I was the one in the background making it easier and more fun for you. You say high school is tough. God. Try exchanging roles with me.

You have it easier. You point fingers. I take the blame.

65 days until my misery ends.

65 days until you have to face reality.

When I started the year, I told myself I was with purpose. I tell you now, i have lost sight of that purpose. I hate what i'm doing. I hate what i'm feeling. I hate it all. I might even go so far as saying i hate you. You made my life miserable. You, all so carefree and nonchalant about these things. You worrying about your quizzes and all that shiz. Think about me for a change. I had more things to worry than just that. Yeah i had grades to worry about. Plus council meetings, plus events to organize, plus articles to submit, plus papers to edit, plus contacts to call. I'm not asking you to pity me or feel sorry or anything like that. I refuse to be looked down on. I refuse to be weak and helpless. All i wanted was for people to say two words. It never even crossed your minds, i bet to say it. You probably were all to busy about other stuff like hurting my feelings with those little pesky remarks about how it's too this or how it's not all that. There's always something wrong isn't there?

You never really realized that these things wouldn't go wrong if we were a close unit. If we actually did enjoy each other's company. If you do loved your "sisters". After all, you did spend most of your life with them. I just don't get it. How you worry more about where and when than who.

This year i only have 65 days left. 65 days left to hear those two words i've been wanting to hear since the start. Even if only one person told me that i'd be happy that i made something happen. I'd be happy that I wasn't such a failure after all. I want to hear her say THANK YOU.

Okay, Maybe I Got A Little Too Carried Away

Rucking Fetards.

Hey you.

Yeah you.

Get outta my friggin life idiot! (you and your external effin power)

I know you're scared

That you're never going to amount to something.

Coz that's probably true.

I can tell

By the way you talk

By the way you act

My God!

You even reek of that stuff.

That stuff you call confidence

It's all gonna shatter into a million little pieces

And we

We are victims

Of your disgrace

Of your dishonor

Shame on you

Shame on you and the path you walk on

Ruin nobody's life!

BUT YOUR OWN.

I'm done.

Sh*t, man! (in a good way)

Congratulations to the aj merit scholars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love you guys! I love you, nerds a whole lot!!!!!

Hahahaha....

Peri! I'm soooo happy for you!!!!!

I wass soooo shocked at the passing rate for SHSians... O_O That says it all...

Okay... so I passed the two schools that I wanted to pass in...

DLSU (Okay, I know it's weird that I'd want to go here but dude.... what can you say when they're offering to subsidize your tuition)

ADMU (Just coz we'll be having this dinner thing with Fr. Nebres... hahaha... all 230 of us Director's Listers and Merit Scholars... hahaha... HILARIOUS MUCH???)

So anyway... There...

Shout out to the ones I saw in admu kanina! Reg Onglao! Geri Felicio! Dom Bulan! John Valdes!

My mom told me na when we (Geri, Reg and I) were screaming people were looking at us raw... Hahaha... look all you want!

So anyway...

I hope you got in to admu too!